‘Tis the season…to be very, very hot.
Yesterday morning I was awakened by a trickle of sweat dripping from my pulled-up hair to my neck and then running down my back to pool in the small of my back. Uhhgg. It was 5:30am.
For the past week, whenever I wake up and then multiple times throughout the day I must exercise the utmost self-control not to post, tweet and Instagram my complaints, whining, need of sympathy, etc. concerning the overwhelming, terrible, no-good, horrible, very bad heat. Rather than bore you day after day with my grousing and grumbling throughout the rest of December, January and into February and risk having you delete me or worse, restrict the posts you view (at least if you delete me, I know where we stand), I’m going to put it all out there in one fell swoop, right now. You’re welcome.
My Facebook Post: “I was walking with an island friend today and as sweat oozed out of every pour of our bodies, I told her that I explain the month of December to my friends in America like living on the surface of the sun. She said ‘Non, non cherie, it’s not like living on the surface of the sun. We ARE living on the surface of the sun.’ She’s not much of one for metaphors.”
Twitter: My life is a sauna. #hotseason #decemberistheworst #myeyeballsaresweating #jesuscomebacksoon
Every day my weather app says it’s between 85 and 90 degrees. I don’t know. I think it’s lying. It always feels like 110 degrees. Could be because of the 100% humidity. I’m not kidding. One hundred percent. Every day. But it doesn’t rain!
Because the air is already completely full of water, the sweat just beads all over my body and stays there. Sometimes if I sit very still, my forearms and shins get little beads of sweat and they just stay there in perfect tiny circles of salty water. At the end of each day I pull off clothes that have been soaked through multiple times. I have to dry them on a towel rack before I can put them in my laundry basket or they will mold.
There is no air conditioning. Most of the time, there is no fan. Electricity blesses us with its presence in the mornings and every other evening from about 6pm to midnight. Then it’s back the breezeless, suffocating sauna.
I’m not sure if I’m making this clear enough. You guys, seriously, it’s really hot here.
As Christmas approaches and I listen to more Christmas songs, there are some I just have to skip over because they’re too cruel. “Baby, It’s Cold Outside”, “Let It Snow” and “Winter Wonderland” to name a few.
So while you sip hot cocoa and sit by your open fire roasting chestnuts and whatnot, think of me languishing like a wilted lily on a hot summer’s day- but pretty much the hottest, most humid summer day ever- and be thankful that Jack Frost is nipping at your nose.
Ok, that is all the complaining I’m allowed for the rest of hot season. I’m out.